26 May

my “boy” passed away today. Tango age 8…siamese.
over the past coule weeks he had been dramatically losing weight, yesterday and today we noticed he wasnt eating food he was gobbling up earlier in the week. tonight we couldnt wait for monday to come and we took him to an emergency vet clinic. 2 hours later we got a call saying he had a very complex case of diabetes, phosphates werent even showing in his blood panel. the result for us would be that he would require close care and insulin injections every 12 hours for the rest of his life.

we had a talk about the options which were, bluntly, we try the injections and hopefully they work by us putting in the extra attention or, we put him down. after a short debate we came to the conclusion that for all of us including Tango we would put him to rest. so at about 1:30 or so he was put to sleep. we are having him cremated so we can spread the ashes in the garden. they also said that they are going to do a paw print of his that we can keep. such a nice thing that gets my emotions going again.

i almost wish we had tried but knowing all of our scheduals and the cost of it we werent sure if we could handle it. im still trying to justify those reasons. but i wouldnt want him to suffer anymore just because we failed at putting in the effort we said we would. that would make me feel even more guilty, and i dont really have reason to feel guilty, as we couldnt have done anything to prevent the diabetes.

im a bit concerned for kiwi now with tango gone. they have been together since well…a few hours ago. they were born in the same litter and have been together ever since. i was looking up on the internet to see how to introduce a new kitten to the house and it seems like a decent process. i just hope kiwi would warm up to a new kitten for her own sake as well because i think she would need the company. she seemed a bit baffled as to why we didnt bring him home. i envied her for not knowing what was happening while we were all crying.

6 years doesnt seem long enough with an animal. i dont even want to imagine the state i would be in if a person i know passed away. if i cant stop thinking about tango and as a result of the thoughts, all good, just end up with me crying for a while. im planning on taking the day off tomorrow to go through some mourning as i feel i owe it to myself and to tango. even through all the medical problems he had he was still a good cat. my dad is taking it really hard too as i think tango was his cat. tango would act more affectionate to him over my mom and me. im thinking of doing a large ink drawing of tango for the house or at least my room to be put up in homage.

but before that drawing is done, some photos:


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